Tag Archive | relationship

Building a Perfect Relationship

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection” Brené Brown

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind woman and a deaf man, because the blind woman cannot see the faults of the man and the deaf man cannot hear the nagging of the woman.

Building a perfect relationship is a full time job that requires commitment, hardwork and great perseverance.

Rome was not built in a day neither were the builders ‘jumping on each others “throat, so also good relationships don’t just happen;
It takes two people who truly wants to be together.
Two people who are willing and ready to sacrifice for each other
Two individuals who are very considerate and are willing to bury their egos for a cause they believe in; LOVE.

Like flowers, relationships needs to be nurtured, watered with pure and true heart and with a view to help each other improve in their chosen fields, a relationship that does not add value to the either love birds is wrong for both parties and it sure won’t hurt to quit.

In building a perfect relationship there are some important elements that are needed:

TRUE LOVE
To build a perfect relationship, the partners need to be sincere in their feelings towards each other, because only when they truly love each will they have a chance to commit and stay loyal to each other.

TRUST
Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

PATIENCE
Think first before u lose your patience with someone you love. Too often we fail to recognise the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.
People make mistakes, we are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will either haunt us or help build the relationship.

COMMUNICATION
Talking to one another about everything supports this idea of transparency. We are the only species on the planet that has been gifted with symbolic language, yet we often fail to use it in its most effective capacity – building and maintaining healthy relationships.
Love birds who converse get to know what’s going on. There’s no second guessing, no surprises and no sense of potential deception.

FORGIVENESS
We all look forward to being loved and respected.
Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he/she would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at.
This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves. If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.

ORIGINALITY
To create a healthy relationship you have to truly be and represent who you truly are. There is only one thing you have to share with your partner that they cannot experience with someone else…complete intimacy. In order to have intimacy on all levels (sexual, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual) you must honestly show yourself, including your soft underbelly. Seeing and loving each other into fuller expression is the key to a profoundly passionate relationship.  Be vulnerable enough to let your partner see who you really are and be ready to receive love and acceptance.

RESPECT
When partners hold each other as their priority, respect is a natural eventuality. Constantly being late, saying one thing then doing another without preamble all show a lack of respect and consideration. Putting someone else’s needs before your is not really a sacrifice rather it consideration because of the respect and love you have for the person

TEAMWORK
Relationships flourish when you keep your eye on the highest good. When you’re focused on winning, often you’re trying to make the other lose. A successful relationship is about being teammate with a common goal. Your chosen partner is here to heal you and is bringing to light aspects of yourself that you cannot see. Therefore, always assume 100% responsibility for your experience, especially in a disagreement. Often there is something in what your partner is saying that is true. When you respond to your partner’s deeper message instead of reacting, you create a powerful experience of healing negative conditioning and initiate a deeper connection between you and your partner.

RIGHT SPEECH
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that “A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation.” Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When partners get too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would
hurt the other party. Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It’s like a broken egg – cannot be reversed.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION
Different people have different perception.
One man’s meat could be another man’s poison. Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.

EXPECTATIONS
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their partner will change the bad habits after as they get along, actually, this is not the case. There is a saying that “It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person’s character.” It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the partner’s character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

To build a perfect relationship is not impossible once all the aforementioned elements are put to use.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others
as much as we love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.

Written by Amaechi Catherine
@amaraamaechi

Why Ladies Don’t Date or Stay with Nice Guys

In my many relationships I have grown to learn why I most times find it hard to hold down a lady I really love, not really because the lady doesn’t love me back rather its because I always play the nice guy who is ready to give his all to the lady he loves, but most times I wonder why being nice makes me lose the woman I love whereas another guy is treating another lady like he doesn’t need her but the lady refuse to leave. I sat down one day and thought about what have been doing wrong with all this ladies and I came up with this ten mistakes nice guys make; the main reasons ladies don’t want to stay with or date a nice guy even if he gives the lady everything in the world:

1. Nice guys seem fake : This may look confusing but being too nice to a lady makes a guy and the relationship look fake, sometimes the lady will also feel the guy is trying to lure her into a deep commitment and then change his attitude later and that scares ladies and freak them out.

2. Nice guys try too hard : Nice guys make ladies feel too important, like she’s a goddess or something close to that. They try too hard to please the lady, they often put aside their own needs for her and it scare ladies a lot

3. Nice guys seem desperate: When a guy shows too much affection to a lady and thereby paying little attention to himself, ladies see them as desperate, like his life depends on the lady and his success in life depends on the success of the relationship.

4. Nice guys don’t seem like they can protect themselves not to talk of the lady: Nice guys don’t seem like they can defend themselves, much less a woman. A lady want a guy she’ll feel safe and secure with, a guy that can protect and take care of her but a nice guy is too weak to protect himself not to talk of protecting his woman

5. Nice guys are predictable : A nice guy’s actions and reactions are like a Nollywood movie, you can predict the end from the first 3-5 scenes: so also a nice guy’s life has no fun, its been scripted, a straight path: they get married, have kids, go to work, retire. Women don’t want to add to that by dating a guy who is going to be so predictable they know his every move. Everyone likes a little
excitement and adventure. Women want to
know that they’re going to have fun with the
guy they’re with, not a guy who bores himself..

6. Nice guys seem like doormats : A nice guy is almost certainly a ‘yes man” everything goes with him, they are too weak for themselves, they can’t decide for themselves, not the cloth to buy or the watch they want, they put the lady in the drivers sit of their life and they hardly earn respect., always too scared to react to things that doesn’t favour them and when someone can’t take action for himself its a clear signals that the guy probably won’t stand up for his lady either.

7. Nice guys seem insecure : Nice guys
come across as so anxious to be liked and
accepted that you never know if they
actually like you or just want to be with you
because you actually paid attention to them.
Nice guys are easy to take advantage of and score freebies from. You teach people how to treat you, so if you act insecure and needy, people will treat you as such.
Insecurity on the part of a guy is a major turnoff.

8. Nice guys expect everybody to treat them nicely: Nice guys expect that because they treat every nice that people should respond to them in kind. But they often allow their own emotions and feelings to take a back seat, for the sake of other people, and when
other people don’t reciprocate, they play the
part of the victim. No woman wants to deal
with a guy with such mentality.

9. Nice guys are not a challenge : A nice guy will always be there for his lady whether she hurts him or offend him, they make it clear they’ll never leave so you don’t
bother to look good because you don’t think
it will even matter. Women want to be with
someone who is going to present a
challenge; it keeps the relationship on its
toes. It makes the relationship more
interesting.

10. Nice guys don’t behave like men : Nice
guys think that by always asking for her
opinion they’re being sensitive, but many
times they’re just being annoying. Women
want a guy who can take charge and create a plan and make a decision. Always asking her to make a decision is irritating and makes you seem like you don’t have a pair of balls.

Am not telling guys to be harsh or treat ladies bad but too much niceness portrays a guy as weak, insecure and a bad choice for a relationship You have to like yourself, feel confident and be able to stand up for yourself.

Most women don’t truely want to date a bad boy except for the ‘exceptional cases”, ladies just want someone they’ll respect and will respect them in return not a ‘yes man” who is too weak for himself, women love a guy who treats them well, but they also love men with guts and the ability to speak up for themselves.

Women want to feel protected and know
that the guy they’re with will have their back,
no matter what. Saying that women don’t like
you because you’re a “nice guy” is a weak excuse, chances are it’s not simply because
you’re nice; it’s because you behave like a baby.